A horse hair grazing a metallic wire fills the room with melancholy. My weary eyes close as the last tear tumbles. My breathing syncs to my bowing and an instant wave of release washes over me. I can get lost here forever. Completely encapsulated in the discordant music; my mind struggles to wander back to you. The melody coddles me, and I can’t spiral out of its firm grasp. The piercing shriek of the fire alarm brings me back to the room. I sigh as the rhythm immediately dissipates from my fingertips, bringing nothing but the haunting of your absence. 

do you ever just look at something and instantly your heart plummets?

A wave ricocheting from head to toe, leaving nothing but a slight tremble in your fingertips

A wavering lip and a droplet threaten to break the dam

But you can’t let it shatter

We cuddle together on the top of this low-lying hill. Our single silhouette is lifted from the darkness and bathed in a warm orange glow.  It’s sunrise; my favourite time of day. The sky is alight with an extensive array of colours blended like acrylic paint on a huge canvas. An intricate work of art painted for us in this eternal moment of intimacy.

Now I come here by myself. Sunsets and sunrises morph into one as I sit here every morning and every evening. The watercolours of my eyes paint a blur of grey until everything’s black. 

Everything’s black. 

I want to be more than beautiful

Call me: 

confident

witty

amusing 

intelligent 

kind

But not beautiful

Beauty is not skin deep  

I stopped shaving my legs about a year ago now.

I feel remarkably empowered. In fact, I have never felt better about myself.

I finally feel proud to show off my body in public. I love my leg hair. I love my body. 

The very idea that women should be hairless at all times is not only completely ridiculous- it’s oppressive.

In fact, it’s incredibly important that we challenge these outdated ideas. 

Why is perceived as normal for a woman to shave their body hair? 

To quickly get rid of it like you should be ashamed to have it. 

Why is something so entirely natural and normal perceived as ugly and unacceptable by society? 

You don’t need to change anything about your appearance to be beautiful.

No more. 

I groan as the familiar tinkling of the alarm clock vibrates the bedside table. My arm quickly shoots out and my hand clumsily, simultaneously smacks all of the buttons on the clock until silence is resumed. I slowly open one eye to steal a quick glance at you. I’m greeted by wide brown eyes, impatiently waiting for me to get up. Not even a split-second passes before you’ve leapt on top of me and started attacking my face with kisses. Your tail wags furiously and your infectious happiness makes me grin ear-to-ear.  I cherish these mornings with you.

My soulmate. 

“Promise me”, I mumble, quietly but firmly. “Promise me you won’t leave me”. My voice cracks and my eyes swell with tears. Blinking furiously, my eyes run from your disconcerted stare. Your penetrating gaze probes my face before you mutter, “I promise”…

The unwelcome flashbacks of you taunt me.

When I glance at you now, your hardened eyes bore into mine, unflickering and emotionless. The sentiment you felt for me had dissipated as easily as your broken promises. Your cold, calculated demeanour is more than enough of a hint. I suffer on, a little more hopeless and isolated than before.

I’m stood motionless. Staring at how the entrancing snow hugged the tips of the mountains in the distance, as far as the eye could see. White as a ghost, delicate as the petals from a rose. The serene, still beauty of the snow was quickly interrupted by the skier in the NASA jacket, zooming past. He cheekily turned to me and grinned as he deliberately sprayed me with a shower of snow. “Oh it’s on”, I thought to myself as I laughed and hastily tore down the side of the mountain after him, carving my own mark into the snow.

Another morning. The light squeezes though the small gaps in the plum curtains and pirouettes around the room, bringing energy, warmth and hope. 

Today will be better

Glancing around my room already fills me with despair. Dirty cups and plates litter the floor, forming an outline around my bed. Further afield, randomly assorted pieces of crumpled paper composing of half-finished lecture notes and barely started worksheets form a white carpet. I’ve lost track of how long they’ve been there.

Sigh

I rapidly observe this newfound energy radiating out of me. Exhausted, I climb back into bed.

Tomorrow will be better.